There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
