I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
