Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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