I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
