one two three fourrrrnication!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
