im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
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