pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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