worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
