I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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