So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
