Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
sarcasm needs its own font
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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