We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
