A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
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Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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