Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
