Do you still have your period?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
