Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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