All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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