booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
