Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
