he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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