I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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