11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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