My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Dear god my vagina.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
