chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
