yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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