We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize