i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
