i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
