My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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