GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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