All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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