im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
