Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
