I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
