i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
