Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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