I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
