I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
