PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
