I want to have your abortion
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
