another moral hangover. fuck.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
