Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
