i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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