it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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