I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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