I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
