Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
