girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
