The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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