I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
