You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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