Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
