id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
