matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
