I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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