okay pat passed out under dana's car
Non-Jews are for practice
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
