when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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