Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
