At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
