I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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