I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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