I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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