All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
