peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
