I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
