My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
