Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
