just tell him i said nine months
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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