He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
