I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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