ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
