i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Two words: nipple clamps
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