U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So much Jack, so little girl.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
