can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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