I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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